[tdf-discuss] Re: Rules of Procedure approved for TDF board of directors

Here is my feedback after having read the document:

The overall format is fine, however, the title format should be the same 
throughout. In EN, titles are usually capitalized and should follow 
these conventional rules[1] -- ALL section titles should be checked to 
follow these rules.

=========================================

Processes -> "3. The rules of procedure can enter into effect earliest 
after approval by the board accord ..."

Suggestion: "The rules of procedure can enter into effect at the 
earliest time after approval by the board ..."

Reason: I believe your are attempting to use earliest as an adjective 
(superlative) and adjectives are usually not used by themselves. Other 
options could be "at the earliest convenience". No need to use accord as 
approval has already established that the board has agreed to this.

=========================================

* The rules of procedure must not conflict with TDF statutes. In such 
cases, the conflicting parts are overridden by whatever is mandated by 
the statutes.

Suggestion: "In such cases, the conflicting parts are overridden by the 
corresponding statutes."

Reason: Statutes by definition are normally mandated, there is no need 
to state the obvious as it becomes redundant.

=========================================

* Capitalize title by EN convention

Decision Making and Responsibilities

=========================================

Basic principle - all members of the board of directors participate in 
all board matters by voting. As such, the principle of joint management 
is maintained.

Suggest: "Basic principle - All members of the board of directors 
participate in all board matters by voting. As such, the principle of 
joint management is maintained."

or

my preference: "Basic principle - All members of the board of directors 
participate in all board matters by voting, and, as such, the principle 
of joint management is maintained."

Reason: Capitalize the "All", my preference -- just being picky, but 
would seem to suit best the first exclamatory statement.

=========================================

"Internally, the board has decided on the following split of 
responsibilities:"

Suggest: Replace "split" to "division" as this more translatable and 
less of an EN coloquialism.

=========================================

"For decisions affecting daily operations, and if the vote happens 
electronically via email, for values of less than € 500, or an 
equivalent contractual liability, not answering in the vote thread for 
longer than 2 business days (for reasons including absence and illness) 
counts towards approval."

Suggest: "Where a vote is conducted via email, and, where votes are left 
unanswered in the corresponding thread for a period exceeding 2 business 
days (for reasons including those of absence and illness), unanswered 
votes will count towards an approval. This applies for decisions 
affecting the daily operations, or, of requests to the board where the 
amount concerned is of less than € 500, or, of requests to the board 
that are of an equivalent contractual liability."

Reason: Run on sentence that needs to be reformed.

=========================================

"By simple majority, the board can delegate tasks"

Suggest: "The board can delegate tasks by simple majority."

Reason: Not sure why the sentence was broken up in the first place. As 
both halves of the sentence seem just as important, the sentence should 
then be put back in the right order in order to make it a clear and 
"to-the-point" statement.

=========================================

"Those delegated tasks may have a budget assigned."

Suggest: "Those delegated tasks may have an assigned budget."

Reason: Dangling participle makes the sentence confusing. Sentence also 
needs a period.

=========================================

"Delegated tasks have mandatory reporting and disclosure requirements 
towards the board, including disposition of funds, and achievement of 
objectives."

Suggest: "Members, who have been delegated tasks, may have mandatory 
reporting and disclosure requirements, reporting of the disposition of 
funds (where applicable), and, reporting of the achievement of task 
objectives. These are to be reported to the board"

Reason: "towards" makes the sentence confusing. Breaking up the list of 
obligations also lends itself to confusion.

=========================================

Section 4. introduces a new word "director" which has not been defined 
in the document. What does "director" define or her/his obligations?

Suggest: The "director" title should be defined in a prior section 
somewhere.

=========================================

"It is the sole discretion of the board to setup committees, tasked to 
prepare decisions for the board. Committees can only advise, the 
ultimate decision authority and responsibility lies with the board."

Suggest: "The ultimate "decision authority" and the ownership of the 
responsibility of delegated tasks remain with the board. Committees may 
be tasked as advisory groups but remain subordinate to board authority 
and of its decision making process."

Reason: Original sentence is choppy.

=========================================

"The board will contract, or alternatively hire if more 
economical/practical, resources for professional, secure, and timely 
maintenance of TDF's central IT infrastructure. The board acknowledges 
that TDF's virtual presence and web pages are one of its most valuable 
assets, and thus are worthy of focused investment to complement the 
sysadmin community's great work."

Suggest: "The board may contract or hire professional resource help in 
order to assure a well secured and maintained central IT infrastructure. 
The board acknowledges that the virtual presence and web pages of TDF 
are one of its most valuable assets, and thus, are worthy of focused 
investment to complement the contribution of the sysadmin community."

Reason: Not sure if "will" was intentional, as it suggests that the 
board is in the process of hiring individuals rather than "may" which 
suggests options. Second half of paragraph -- avoid contractions as much 
as possible.

=========================================

Capitalize title:

Validity and Entry Into Force

=========================================

"should one or more items of these rules of procedure turn out to be 
invalid, in collision with the statutes, German law, or otherwise not 
applicable, all other items will remain in effect."

Suggest: "Should one or more items of these rules of procedure prove 
invalid, in contravention with the statutes, in contravention with 
German law, or otherwise not applicable, all other items will remain in 
effect."

Reason: "turn out to be" is a colloquialism that is best avoided. "in 
collision", I believe is meant to mean "in contravention" and ibid to 
"German law".

=========================================

Thanks for reading over these suggestions.

Cheers,

Marc


[1] http://www.writersblock.ca/tips/monthtip/tipmar98.htm


--
Marc Paré
Marc@MarcPare.com
http://www.parEntreprise.com
parEntreprise.com Supports OpenDocument Formats (ODF)
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